Happy news, folks!
Recently, I got invited by The Incisive Journal to
be one of their guest writers. They describe themselves as a bunch of misfits with a common love for
reading and writing. So, I guess I do fit in with them at the end of the
day.
They strongly disagree with censorship as they believe that "if there is something which
bothers someone, maybe that person should walk away from it rather than asking
that “something” to be banned or censored, it might be a Movie, a Book, a
Painting or a Picture, unless that “something” is not forced down on you."
As if that wasn't reason enough to
collaborate, they are "also doing their part to the environment by hosting
the site in a server which is powered by wind energy. Renewable sources of
energy is the redemption which everybody needs today at this time and age.
Climate change is no joke and it is definitely not a hoax perpetuated by the
Chinese."
Below is an article written for them.
When I first saw the #MeToo posted by
somebody on my newsfeed, I thought that was another online movement that was
going to die away as soon as it came. But in the next 24 hours, it is not
inaccurate to say that every second post on my feed was a #metoo or about #metoo.
This hashtag did not start yesterday.
It started when activist Tarana Burke used it 10 years ago trying to comfort a
little girl who opened up to her about the abuse she suffered from her mom’s
boyfriend. But it caught up as a movement just a couple of days back when
actress Alyssa Milano tweeted it in support of the brave women coming
forward against the latest Hollywood debacle, Harvey Weinstein encouraging all
the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted to acknowledge the
problem with a #metoo, so that
people could be provided an insight into the magnitude of the problem. And as
far as I can tell, it’s gone beyond that to inspire very relevant discussions.
Over 30% of the users who re tweeted
the hashtag were men. Some in support for the women who came out with
harassment stories but a sizable amount of men came out with their own stories
of harassment they faced from men as well as women. This contradicts the sexist
patriarchal thought that falsely identifies women as always being the victims
while men are always the perpetrators – sometimes so internalized that if
a male accepts being harassed, he’s seen as a weaker being, thus left to suffer
as silent victims.
Another alarming similarity in almost
half of these tweets were that a lot of people who shared the story said the
abuse took place when they were kids or teenagers and the abusers were people
they’ve known and have been taught to trust. A fact studies have been showing
for many years, but the gravity of the situation sinks in very slowly as you
move from post to post.
I was molested several times growing up
but it took me a long time to realise what I was going through was abuse and
that it was not my fault. I have never talked about my abuse stories before. I
am not ashamed of it anymore but the first thing that came to my mind deciding
whether to share my experiences with people was if there was any need to open a
can of worms at this point. But certain shocking responses by people who
couldn’t empathise with these women but instead chose to ridicule them through
social media, makes me think the other way. While a number of great many men
and women came out pouring support and expressing concern, as always there were
people out there calling the survivors “wannabes”, ranting about how social
media isn’t the platform and this one guy genuinely seemed to believe that
rather than wasting time on Facebook participating in online protests that are
going to be forgotten in a jiffy, the victims should be approaching the
“concerned authority” for once and all.
I think I must’ve been around 10 when I
first experienced sexual abuse. My sister, around 14 then and I were in the
midst of the 15 minute walk back after our weekly dance class, when a noble
looking man on a motor bike who looked like he was in his early thirties
stopped beside us and started asking questions about our private parts.
At age 13, my violin instructor at
school would touch my thighs and shoulder unnecessarily. A lot of girls
complained of the same but nobody wanted to make a “big deal” of it. Around the same time, I was flashed by
a man, on my way back home from school. I remember being very happy that day
until that point. I felt confused, nauseated, violated. I blamed myself for
looking his way when he tried to get my attention.
I will spare you the stories of when I
was leered, jeered and cat called while on the street minding my own business,
cyber bullied with obscene comments and pornographic images on social media,
being rubbed against and pinched while traversing crowded streets and public
transport be it dusk or broad daylight. The other day when I was talking to my
roommate of the abuses we’ve had to suffer, the above mentioned activities came
out of us as “normal” things. Two proud feminists, discussing sexual abuse,
addressing day to day abuses as normal. That’s how deep rooted and insanely
prominent the problem is. So much so that it is pretty much a part and parcel
of our lives.
What I’m trying to convey is that it is
not easy standing up to abuse. I agree, it is necessary. But it is unimaginably
hard. Especially when the whole world tells you to ignore it or to not make a
big deal out of it. And especially when the perpetrators are people who you’ve
been taught as trustworthy and respectable. It is confusing and very, very
scary. It takes a lot of courage to come out and talk about what you’ve
suffered while being a part of a society that blames the victims or trivialises
issues such as these. In my case, it took me a long time to even understand and
accept the fact that what I was going through was sexual offense.
It was a month before I could tell my
mother about the abuse at the hand of my instruments teacher. I didn’t want to
worry her. I couldn’t envision how she would comprehend it. But she understood.
She told me that such morons were more common than I thought and that it wasn’t
my fault. She said she could come down to my school and take care of the
matter. But she’d rather have me face that monster myself because I could. She
said she didn’t raise a coward. The next time, I glared at him as if I would
pull out his tongue if he came anywhere near me. He never touched me again.
So, I guess the suggestion of the
Facebook user, who tried to shame these men and women into reporting their
stories to “concerned authorities”, from whose post all you can deduce is that
he’s never got a wrong stare or an unwanted arm on his thigh, and is trying to
objectively proffer a solution to a problem he isn’t even able to fully
contemplate, is technically the ultimate solution. Problem. Report. Happy
ending. He makes sense when not taking into account the finer nuances or rather
shortcomings of the human mind. That, under the many layers that make us human,
we are more than mere binary codes deciding pre – programmed actions and
reactions. We and our everyday actions are the product of choices, experiences,
thoughts, perceptions, strengths, weaknesses, reflections, reverberations, and
vulnerabilities on an unimaginable scale.
On the brighter side, the hashtag has
been receiving heartening responses from varied quarters. Be it men, women or
authorities. They have come out in solidarity to the victims and have vowed to
do their part however small it may be, but nevertheless important. #HowIWillChange and #SoDoneChilling are
examples of parallel movements that have been born where men have vowed to
stand up for victims, end cat calling, locker room jokes, rape jokes, teach
their children to stand up against abuse, teach them to respect the other
gender while being kind to their own gender and “do all this without expecting
to be congratulated or praised”. The authorities in certain countries have also
taken worthy stands. Notably, Kolkata police has sent out a tweet that said
that they are perturbed by the startling numbers of women facing sexual
harassment and that they would like to reiterate their pledge and commitment by
saying that they hear every one of these women. They urged survivors to be
strong and very very angry and report any kind of verbal and physical abuse to
the police every time. Most importantly, Kolkata police announced that they
have already started with Dear Boys initiative as they believe education about
the severity of the issues to young boys can be a game changer. So may be, the
hashtag wasn’t indeed a soon to be passé phenomenon.
Ardhra Prakash
(21st October 2017)
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