Do I believe in God?

Yes I do. Very strongly in fact. But if you ask whether I believe in all the God business or what you show me as God, then I’m sorry..

Now when I’m going to tell what I know about God, I need to tell you this first up. I’m just a young girl with barely 19 years of experience and very limited knowledge. I do believe in God whom I like to describe as a higher power, a genius and more importantly, a helping hand.

My father as I have mentioned in articles before is an atheist and my mother, a strong believer. So, naturally I’ve acquired something that can be called a blend of these ideas. I believe that there is something very powerful in this world- a figure whose nature or structure or characteristics are not pre – defined.

My mother, a very strong believer in His highness, always tells me that prayers are strong desires and when you are praying, you are repeating these aims, these goals and these desires to your sub conscious mind. It seems logical too. Sometimes when you repeat something over and over, fiercely with passion and dedication, your mind and body already starts working towards the goal even without your knowledge.

For me, it is something more than that too.. I have seen and is seeing many people with in and out faith in god, who worship God with all their hearts and follow the rules and procedures to worship as told, without fail. It must really be working for them. There should be some truth in it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t follow the routine without any positive effect expected.

To me God is like my mother. You don’t always remember her but sometimes when something bad happens to you, she is the first one and mostly the only one you can turn to because you know that how much ever boring or uninteresting or risky your problem might be, she will never leave your side.

Let me be frank. I’m a very selfish follower actually. I remember him when I need him. I cry, I pray. Not necessarily in temples but I do remember the figure once in a while. But still, God has been graceful upon me. He has given me almost everything that needs to keep me happy – a family, virtue to be with the people who passed away for a considerable amount of time. But still I usually complain, nag and even forget God at times. I am amazed at the patience the guy has that despite all this, he never gave me away to diseases or accidents (which I was really vulnerable to) or from cruel and painful experiences. I’m intelligent enough to score marks, behaves properly with people, Ive been the school captain couple of times and I study in one of the best universities in India. And sometimes it makes me emotional too. Because it makes me think again that God is mother.

I believe in spirit not the rock you say is god. My own sister told me long back about a guy who said that Prayer should not be about visiting or offering valuables in such established places of worship.. But prayer is when you get in your room, close the doors and windows and then quietly tell him directly what you want or what you want to say. But please do not get the idea that I repel temples or churches. These are holy premises known so because of the serenity, the peace and the positive atmosphere. Once I have been to the Mookambika Temple and the experience was magical. For a long time, I kind of felt really cleansed. The same way I believe that as I truly believe in the power and ability of God, I do not have to go in search of him always or butter him because he is powerful enough to hear my prayers even if I just whisper it to myself sitting on my bed. Also, another funny thing is that God, who is supposed to be the creator,the owner of the entire universe is gifted with food, sweets, gold and what not!! I just have 2 words for that “HOW LAME!!”

When I started writing it today, I was confused, a little bit afraid too. People told me I was an atheist. But I knew I was not just that. So, after reading the article or rather the debate of my sub-conscious and analyzing the way the it has turned up, I am now sure I'm a strong believer of God and how lucky I am to have somebody to hope from or most importantly blame for my own mistakes.