Sorry, not sorry.

I’m sorry if I disappointed you

I’m sorry if I am not “not like other girls”,

I’m sorry if my moustache and peach fuzz made you uncomfortable or if you had to see hair grow wild and free on my limbs, while you grew up thinking women were shiny hairless porcelain dolls.

I’m sorry I laughed at your face when you said you stood for “gender equality” through “humanism”, just not feminism.

I’m sorry I didn’t solve world hunger, climate crisis and the reign of ISIS before I demanded equal pay for equal work.

I’m sorry if I complained about having to prove my worth over and over in the hope that one day the assumptions about how a gender fares in a job will come to an end.

I’m sorry that I don’t make the disclaimer “I’m not a feminist” before I tell you what I really feel about your casual sexism.

I’m sorry that I “couldn’t take a joke” you made about a woman “riding” up the ranks

I’m sorry if I don’t add “not all men”, as I call out constitutionally provisioned rape in domestic space

I’m sorry if my make up is too much, while all that really itches you is that I couldn’t pull off the “no makeup - makeup” look

I’m sorry that I spend an hour dolling up in the morning for myself and not you, I apologise profusely for how much that hurts your ego

I’m sorry I had an opinion about something you said or did on social media. Now I have a swarm of sexually frustrated men leaving rape threats for me and my family in my inbox.

I’m sorry if my ripped jeans worry you about the future of this country. Of course, it is only reasonable that women stay indoors, pallus over their heads, far away from mobile phones, condom ads, western culture, and chowmein, lest they be “defiled and dishonoured” by a man who couldn’t keep it in his pants, a poor man you keep making excuses for.

But what I am really sorry is that in a fight where we could have been allies, you keep choosing to be an obstacle, or a bystander at best.